An empty open thread

This house is empty now Burt Bacharach & Elvis Costello, one of my favorite collaborations. I love this record ........eveyr cut off the album.

"Does the extinguished candle care about the darkness"?

Comments

[EJO]

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station...
And then the fight started....
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you
just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I
couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NO HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started...
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It was a small town and the patrol man was making his evening rounds.
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies
sitting in a used car.
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car Were
they trying to steal it?
'Heavens no, we bought it.'
'Then why don't you drive it away.'
We can't drive.'
Then why did you buy it?'
'We were told that if we bought a Used car here we'd get screwed ..so
we're just waiting.
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A passenger in a taxi cab leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, I'm sorry, but you scared the hell out of me.

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault.

Today is my first day driving a cab.....I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.

Think about it. Think about it.
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A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap a way from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune..... Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

And you thought all they did was say Hello.

[JCL154]

EJO, Thanks for the jokes. I got a kick out of them!

[EJO]

JCL154;
You are welcome.
EJO